Thursday hangover

“Please remember: Henderson is hung over today, so be sure to stop by his desk and engage him in as much meaningless conversation as possible.

Oh, and if you could, try and agree, beforehand, on one stupid question that everyone already knows the answer to --- and let's be sure that everyone at some point in the day asks Henderson that question."

BLOG: Why would anyone give their first-born son the name “August”? defective yeti

VIDEO: Remember the “New Zoo Revue”, the children’s show from the ‘70s? No? Well, just know that sometimes, adults who perform on kids’ shows like to let off a little steam in what the industry likes to call a “blooper”. And oh boy what a blooper this is. Devil Lucky (thanks, yesbutnobutyes)

VIDEO: You’d think that people would know by now not to let a Trojan horse into their gated compound. yesbutnotbutyes

BLOG: Arab men demand their women do as they say and not as they do. A Cynical Single Kuwaiti Woman

BLOG: Need a picture of a dog doing something cute? Don’t need one but you’re bored and you’ll look at just about anything? Anonymous Midwest Girl

No posts today

Candy in a Barrel will not be seen today, so that NBC can bring you this special TV event.

A warm 'hello'

“And last but not least, please say ‘hello’ to our latest hire, a young go-getter, who will be leaving here in sixth months time under a cloud of suspicion.”

BLOG: The Emmys aren’t the only ones with a poor sense of timing. Anonymous Lawyer

BLOG: Here’s a little rule of courtship that always seems to work: Never, under any circumstances, casually mention how the artificial insemination is going. Uffish

BLOG: Man, I wish I had been in the boy scouts. Perry Bible Fellowship

VIDEO: TV theme songs are overrated and usually are sung by a Neville or two. Home Star Runner

VIDEO: Haven’t nerded it up in quite a while? Well, then why not watch the cast of the original “Star Trek” perform the “Camelot” song from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”. That’s some heavy duty nerdin’ for ya. Devil Ducky (thanks, yesbutnobuyyes)

New hire

I see we've changed our policy about inviting creepy interns back for a full-time gig.

BLOG: Oh, those sneaky Swiss and their nude-themed humor. Dominic in Southeast Asia

BLOG: Which gay childhood icon are you? Are you a Bert & Ernie or more a Peppermint Patty type? Blog Things

BLOG: A joke for anyone out there that’s probably funny if you ever took a 300-level Econ class (and remember most of it). Greg Mankiw

BLOG: A common problem with classification that many New Yorkers have. Overheard in New York

BLOG: Today’s pee-related conspiracy. Life Regurgitated for your Chewing Pleasure

Gossip

If window washers and cleaning ladies pooled their resources, they’d be the new benchmark in blackmail.

BLOG: ATMs are displaying more and more attitude these days. defective yeti

BLOG: One man’s top 40 guilty pleasure rock of all time (and believe you me, there are some doozies in there). Flaming Pablum

BLOG: Think you have a sailor’s mouth? Try your hand (as it were) as a phone sex operator: You might realize that you don’t have the salty vocabulary you think you do. Grace Undressed

BLOG: I’m guessing this man doesn’t understand a lot of things.Overheard in New York

BLOG: Ever dated a ‘Sex and the City’ fan? Ever vowed you never, ever do so again? New York Punk

What to do with the trash

Sure, you could carry the remains of your lunch to the trashcan. But that can is almost five feet away and you’re, well, busy.

BLOG: Worst fall fashion ad is also a much better finale for “Sex and the City”. copyranter

BLOG: Angora rabbits (yes, where sweaters come from) are fat, fat, fat, fat, fat. Well, they look that way, at least. The Sneeze

BLOG: Some people, it turns out, are quite surprised when, out of nowhere, they are handed a butt plug. Vonnegut’s Asshole

BLOG: Getting Arrested for Dummies. yesbutnobutyes

BLOG: It’s never inappropriate to argue the price of a shirt if you think the store is trying to pull a fast one. Of course, there are exceptions -- like, say, if the charge is a dollar and that store is Goodwill. Restless in Suburbia

Always shower

That vodka may be colorless and odorless, but your clothes from yesterday certainly aren’t.

BLOG: You know that bus ride to the IKEA in New Jersey that you keep telling yourself sounds like a good idea? You know that war in Iraq that sounded like a good idea? they call me concha

BLOG: East European always have the last laugh. (see Part II). Drunk and Single in NYC

BLOG: Searching for Mrs. Right. Overheard in New York

BLOG: Support your local third world country. Adam Smith Institute Blog (thanks, Greg Mankiw)

BLOG: Have you had your break today, beeyotch? Giant Monster (thanks, Make the Logo Bigger)

Hurting someone's feelings

Fat people get so pissy when you make forklift noises behind them.

BLOG: Life as a cockroach and then a lamp -- and then a bit wherein the author expresses carnal lust for her air conditioner. Rubber Buns and Liquor

BLOG: It’s not a sexual maneuver: it’s an ice cream. The Sneeze

BLOG: More gallows humor, courtesy America’s (or my America, at any rate) favorite comic strip. Perry Bible Fellowship. And, just for shits and giggles sake, here’s one more.

BLOG: Fuck the bosses’ kids. Yeah, you heard me: fuck ‘em. Not Chosen, Just Posin’

VIDEO: Who was the best roaster at the William Shatner roast? Why, William Shatner, of course. Devil Ducky (thanks, yesbutnobutyes)

I miss them already

The interns have left and suddenly you realize you have to start owning up to your own mistakes again.

You knew there was something about them you liked.

BLOG: At some point in this conversation, you half expect someone to break into song: “Oh we’ve got trouble / Right here in Pharma City.” Make the Logo Bigger

BLOG: Ouch. Sometimes the truth hurts, dad. Overheard in New York

BLOG: The best (and worst) finishing moves ever in professional wrestling. Paul Katcher

BLOG: Looks like someone got a little too excited by their blow up doll (incredibly not safe for work). Eros Blog (thanks, Uffish)

BLOG: Don’t know what to do with all of those photos of you and your friends, hurdling the velvet ropes and joining a museum display? Well, now you have an outlet. Museumspotting for the Cultured Rebel (thanks, yesbutnobutyes)

End of the working week

Friday’s not a ‘work’ day. It’s just a ‘be there’ day.

BLOG: The homeless can ruin your mojo. East Village Idiot

BLOG: Tired of someone else tossing your salad? Ever wanted to toss your own salad? Well, now you can. For $7.50. This is What We Do Now

VIDEO: For those of you who are fans of the original, BBC production of “The Office”, here are two Microsoft training videos starring Ricky Gervais as David Brent. Ad Week (thanks, yesbutnoyes)

VIDEO: When the Great Pumpkin puts a contract out on Charlie Brown, Linus, Schroeder, Snoopy, and Lucy do their damnedest to kill him. Instead, CB exacts a kind of “Taxi Driver”-like revenge that’s not to be missed. Google Video (thanks, Boing Boing)

BLOG: Yet one more in the long list of cringe-worthy pickup lines. defective yeti

World knowledge

Be sure to read a newspaper once in a while. You don’t need to know everything happening in Beirut right now -- so long as you know that it’s not happening in ‘Bay-root.’

BLOG: Help this man choose a business card. The Assimilated Negro

VIDEO: I can’t say that this is particularly funny nor particularly clever. But I can’t say I switched it off, either. You Tube (thanks, happyscrappy)

VIDEO: You can now purchase a paperback edition of “The Areas of My Expertise” by John Hodgman (“The Daily Show”). And it won’t ruin your skin. lindsayism

BLOG: Ladies, if you pick No. 3, drop me a line and we’ll talk. Waiter Rant

BLOG: Pub crawls are the source of so many wonderful, shameful memories. Why Do You Wear That Mask?

Got out of work

"I don’t have to work today / Doo da, Doo da / Lied about about a fun-er-al / All the doo da day."

BLOG: One woman’s personal top 10 worst dates ever (I’m sure, regardless of gender, we’ve all had a #8). Dealing in Subterfuges.

BLOG: Bring your friends shopping for CD’s, DVD’s, various of brands of beer -- anything, really, but books. El Guapo in DC

BLOG: The three most important stories on the ‘Net today. (with props to Stacked for one). Flaming Pablum

BLOG: Ladies, getting rid of a grabby, drunk asshole at the bar is no sweat. Hell, it can even be fun. But doing so could open up a bag of insecurity worms you may not be ready for. forksplit

You're a star (of sorts)

Don’t look at it as a hangover, with dark circles and hoarse, raspy voice. Look at it as your coworkers’ favorite reality TV show.

And one that never has repeats (or does, depending on how you look at it).

BLOG: It just goes from bad to worse to unintentionally gay when a construction worker sees your bare naked ass in your apartment. The Daily Dump

WIKIPEDIA: He’s William Shatner. He’s Canadian. And in honor of his upcoming Comedy Central roast, here’s proof positive that this man is also one of the funniest mother fucker’s around. (first quote) Wikipedia

BLOG: Reason No. 437 That People are Assholes: Zoos used to be so much fun. The Three-Toed Sloth

BLOG: Perhaps getting hit with bird shit is good luck after all – well, after a fashion. Waiter Rant

BLOG: Sometimes, people go just a wee bit far when expressing their love for their favorite comic book characters. Mod Blog (thanks, Boing Boing)

The Monday Morning Blues

No one cares why you’re hung over on Monday morning. They understand and their sensitivity to your predicament may, in fact, carry just the slightest bit of envy.

Don’t expect the same consideration Tuesday through Friday, though.

VIDEO: The Canon in D that Pachelbel and Iron Maiden would both appreciate. You Tube (thanks, Gothamist)

VIDEO: One of the funniest SNL skits ever: Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor engage in a word association interview. Watch it before NBC finds it and has it removed. (note: possibly NSFW) You Tube

BLOG: Since Lonely Planet doesn’t make a Richmond, VA, guide, here’s all you will ever need to know about the city. El Guapo in DC

BLOG: Is it my imagination or does the first photo here look like the Ron Jeremy of pastries? Sparkwood & 21

BLOG: Remember those SNL skits about the GAP salewomen who’d say “just cinch it”? Well, the same thing happens at Bloomingdales. Logged Hours

More about napping

If you want to duck out of a few hours of work, just walk everywhere with a newspaper in your hand and generally act like you just came from the bathroom.

No questions will be asked.

BLOG: Do you like white meat or dark meat when you eat baby? Brooklyn Record

BLOG: Hmm, methinks this is photo shopped (note the ‘M’ in ‘Moore’). However, methinks this is pretty funny either way. yesbutnobutyes

BLOG: Be sure to buy your little boy or little girl a Mr. Poop Head today (last item). newyorkshitty (thanks, Gothamist)

BLOG: Don’t advertise your ignorance at a concert by requesting a song by the wrong name. Mocking Music

BLOG: Perhaps right now isn’t the best time to imply that strikebreakers who work for this hospital are rats. This is What We Do Know

Cat naps

Here’s a little trick of the trade: If you need to catch about ten or twenty or a full half hour of winks at work, go to the bathroom and fall asleep on the commode. It’s private, no one will bother you, and it’s too uncomfortable to let you sleep more than fives minutes at a time.

Trust me, this comes from personal experience.

BLOG: You never know what’s going to biss off a bouncer. But try. Clublife

VIDEO: A short clip of Snoop Dog listening to The Gourds’ country-twang version of “Gin and Juice”. You Tube (thanks, Slack LaLane)

BLOG: It’s no big secret that people go to art shows for the free booze. Logged Hours

BLOG: Renting a motorbike in Bolivia is just too damn f----‘in hard. (last time) Stacked

By any other name

Some people are paid to sit there, not answer phones, take three-hour lunches and leave 40 minutes early (after arriving 30 minutes late).

Sometimes they’re called interns; other times, executives.

BLOG: Yes, we have a wine hutch, but no, we will not accept receipt of your hobos. Good Evening

VIDEO: The first and certainly one of the best ever Star Wars parodies: 1977’s “Hardware Wars”. Part I and Part II

VIDEO: If you’ve never seen “Bambi Meets Godzilla”, then be sure to have a little patience, remember to wipe your eyes from crying with laughter and read the credits. You Tube

BLOG: You think Mondays are miserable? Try Sundays. There’s a Blog in My Throat

BLOG: The Incredibles’ Elasti-Girl is the Dream Women for some men (and not just for the level three wizard set, either). The Sneeze

LIST: The 100 most mispronounced words in the English language. Your Dictionary (thanks, yesbutnobutyes)

Broken toilets

Any day now, someone is going to finally get pissed enough to tell somebody in maintenance that one of the toilets is busted.

Any day now.

BLOG: It’s best just to stay away from the bouquet, period, at a wedding (technicalities about picking it up off the floor vs. catching it don’t really matter). Anonymous Midwest Girl

BLOG: You try to be kind to old people, you really, really do. But still, sometimes … The Daily Dump

BLOG: An ode (haiku, actually) to a possibly naked cyclist on 13st. Dealing in Subterfuges

BLOG: Just how far has KISS fallen on the respectability scale? Pretty damn far. And as for the KISS Army? It’s almost as bad. (second item) Flaming Pablum

Context is critical

Corporate America needs to make up its mind: Is it the porn on the computers they have the problem with or just porn at the office in general?

And on a related topic, since when do we punish people for finding loopholes?

BLOG: Another night, another fight, another day in the life of a bouncer. Clublife

BLOG: An excellent reason why thinking people hate Verizon Wireless. happy scrappy

BLOG: Croatian T-shirts say the raunchiest things (if in broken English) Logged Hours

BLOG: Perhaps it’s time to call the Orkin man. Rantings of a Sandmonkey

BLOG: The one thing in the world that will make that morning bacon a little less appetizing. yesbutnobutyes

Some excuses work better than others

The next time someone catches you at work, surfing ebay, just tell him you’re concerned that you may have been the victim of identity theft.

Of course, if your girlfriend or wife finds the stash of porn you bought on ebay, that excuse just ain’t gonna wash.

“So, he stole your identity, bought a lot of porn, and decided to hide it in your VCR.”

“That must be what happened.”

BLOG: When you’re members of this year’s hottest band, demand only the finest things that money can buy. Or, failing that, just get whatever makes you happy. gorilla vs. bear

BLOG: Simple lessons in marketing your product to simple-minded marketing departments. collision detection

VIDEO: Darth Vader, you can be such a smartass sometimes. You Tube (thanks, Boing Boing)

VIDEO: Home Star Runner presents “Summer Short Shorts”. Home Star Runner

VIDEO: Oh, and Strong Bad has a new email, for all your Home Star fans. Home Star Runner

Memories of a heatwave

The worst part about a heat wave is that, suddenly, no one has anything to talk about except the heat wave. The local sports teams are doing well, but no one cares about that. There are some great bands coming to town, but no one can be bothered to talk about that either.

Then again, it’s nice not to have to think up conversation starters with some of the people at work: You can stick to the script and not have to think nor hear anything about their boring, boring lives and unexceptional children.

Ahhhhh, I love heat waves.

BLOG: The hardest part of any law firm internship is the weekend hike through the mountains to build team spirit. Anonymous Lawyer

BLOG: It was important that Lois Lane experience life as a black woman. The Assimiliated Negro

BLOG: A quick one, wherein a cop zings a fireman. Overheard in New York

VIDEO: Sports bloopers from very old video games. You Tube (thanks, Slack Lalane)

Train conductors, bad acting, 50 cent, and more

TODAY'S MEMO: Mothers seem to know the details of every teenage death across the country, don’t they?

BLOG: Train conductors on the subway can get quite punchy sometimes. Overheard in New York

BLOG: The five worst actors on cable TV. Adam Riff (thanks, rangelife)

BLOG: Ever with you could write a Sports Guy column for espn, like Bill Simmons does? Well, now you can. Chicago (thanks, Slack LaLane)

BLOG: Wisdom on the career arc of 50 Cent, from the mouth of a child. Dirty Old Prom Queen

VIDEO: Otto Preminger, Jackie Gleason, Groucho Marx, Peter Lawford, and tabs upon tabs of acid in "Skidoo". You Tube (thanks, Boing Boing)

Adam Corolla, Connecticut, fat vaccines, and the daily drudge

TODAY'S MEMO: Can’t anyone remember to flush anymore?

VIDEO: Adam Corolla, comedy genius. The Sacred Wisdom of Chief Thunderbear (thanks, yesbutnobutyes)

BLOG: Is this Connecticut radio station in on the joke or not? You be the judge. East Village Idiot

BLOG: Things we'll miss if and when they develop a fat vaccine. The Assimilated Negro

BLOG: Twenty-three minutes in the life of one bored-as-hell office worker. Not Chosen, Just Posin’