Women streakers, Bowie, Vietnam and more

Soon, it’ll be Independence Day. And you’ll be with family and friends, singing “Auld Lang Syne,” because you’re drunk and confused about which holiday it is again.

BLOG: Top 10 female streakers of all time. Definitely NSFW. Yesbutnobutyes (thanks, Paul Katcher)

VIDEO: David Bowie, a “bizarre, self-constructed freak”, performs “Queen Bitch” with the Spiders. You Tube

VIDEO: In case you missed it: Gnarls Barkley, Chewbacca, Boba Fett and some storm troopers perform “Crazy” on the MTV Movie Awards. You Tube

BLOG: In Japan, alcoholism doesn’t start at home: It starts at the liquor store, with the kids. Osaka Daze

BLOG: In Vietnam, the beer is cheap, the hotels aren’t what they seem, and the toilets may be the worst in the world. Oh, the horror, the horror. Far from Cardiff!

VIDEO: And, finally, in honor of Independence Day and our Founding Fathers, here’s Jefferson Starship, with a 1981 performance of their song “Jane” on the TV show “Fridays”. (And, actually, it’s not a bad performance.) You Tube

Color blindness, online dating, and breaking up

Not sure whether you’re supposed to be in on Monday, July 3? Well, let’s put it this way: Anyone in authority can’t punish you until Wednesday and by then they’ll be too hungover with patriotism, barbecue, and alcohol to really give a damn. That, and this is the perfect chance (you get two a year) to ‘misread’ the staff memo. (Also, if you’ve been working at the company for a while, you can use the handy, “Well, the last time July 4th fell on a Tuesday …” excuse).

BLOG: The first ever anti-color blindness test. Collision Detection

BLOG: Online dating tells you where to ‘go’. copyranter

BLOG: Sorry about the breakup, but let’s get down to brass tax here. fresh pepper?

Shakespearean insults, 'would you rather ...', and Little Korea

Interns are good at taking the blame. No one knows them, no one trusts them and, frankly, between them and you, you’re the devil everybody knows.

BLOG: Need to insult someone as only the Bard would? Well, here’s a handy-dandy kit to make it that much easier to do. dudja

BLOG: A game of “Would you rather …” goes to that bad place. The Daily Dump

BLOG: “And over here is Little Italy … and pretty much the same goes there.” (second item) Overheard in New York

Stevie Wonder, dancing, DOT, and cell phone privacy

You were the last one in. It’s only fitting that you’re the first to leave. You need that head start for tomorrow.

VIDEO: Stevie Wonder brings the funk on “Sesame Street” – yes, kids shows used to be cool – circa 1973. You Tube (thanks, Boing Boing)

BLOG: How to dance if you’re Italian and a juicer. Clublife

BLOG: A picture of how New York City’s Dept of Transportation likes to screw with the minds of slaves taxpayers. Slack LaLane

BLOG: Need some privacy for that personal cell phone call? Well, a Belgium company has just the thing for you. Logged Hours

Update on Candidate Volkoff

Sadly, he is not running. Though the story was true for a time, as he was considering a run for Congress from his home in Baltimore County, Maryland. Read more about Volkoff here.

Fear not, though. If he was interested in 2006, I'm sure he'll be interested again in 2008.

Nikolai Volkoff, van Damme, Internet dating, & Lohan nipple slip

Later on in the day, someone is going to ask you to do something just minutes before you are to leave. Valuable happy hour time will be lost and a fifth drink that would have cost $3 will now cost $5. … You were right to pad your expenses.

BLOG: I don’t know whether this is true or not, but but '80s pro wrestler Nikolai Volkoff may not only be alive, he may also be running for congressional office … as a Republican! Volkoff ‘06 (thanks, rangelife)

VIDEO: Jean Claude van Damme: Action Hero wasn’t good enough, he had to suck through dance as well. You Tube (thanks, Art)

BLOG: When you send a girl a photo of yourself for the purposes of Internet dating, be sure to choose the right one. Try, for instance, to not use one that looks like you live in a house with the body of your dead mother. Uffish

BLOG: Oh, and if you’re at all interested, someone’s got a picture of some Lohan boob. It ain't much, but it's more than you had before today, probably.The Whisperer

Shoes

VIDEO: Lest this day end without at least one video, i I give you "Shoes", which is funny in a "Kids in the Hall"/Francesca Fiore and Bruno Puntz-Jones kind of way. You Tube (thanks, rangelife)

Life in your 30s, interns, and sex changes

It’s raining outside. It’s quiet inside. And in the silence, you can think of nothing better than reaching out and strangling the intern. “10 digits”, you scream, “phone numbers have ten fucking digits!”

BLOG: You’re hot, sweaty, and uncomfortable; you’ve just spent a weekend with the in-laws; and suddenly you run into the Gay Pride Day Parade: A true picture of New York. Flaming Pablum

BLOG: Interns, here’s a little secret: Everyone hates you, so try not to get drunk at a company function and tell everybody what you think of them. Anonymous Lawyer

BLOG: This man does need help, but not the kind he thinks he needs. happy scrappy

Funny film reviews, not so funny emails, and Hi and Lois

It’s unfortunate that the beer you drank Saturday night (and, let’s be honest, Sunday morning) is still having a Krakatoa effect on your intestines and unmentionables. You’re back to work, shouldn't the bacteria be as well? What’s happened to symbiosis, goddamit?

BLOG: The film was a piece of shit, but the reviews were hysterical. defective yeti

BLOG: That hysterical email you sent about the two llamas who walked into a bar may not be going over as well as you thought. collision detection

BLOG: The comic strips Hi and Lois made much, much better. happy scrappy

Borat, Vargas, GG Allin, & Elliott Smith

Remember that trick where you give someone a twenty for two 10’s and then you exchange them back again and by the end of the con, you have both 10’s, the 20’s, and the guy's girlfriend? Try that with someone’s half-day Friday if you don’t have one.

VIDEO: And why shouldn’t Borat have his own movie? Yahoo! (thanks, Rantings of a Sandmonkey)

BLOG: Cartoons by famed Playboy illustrator Claudio Vargas. WARNING: Not Safe For Work. ASIFA-Hollywood Animation Archive Project Blog

VIDEO: A complete interview with rocker G.G. Allin on an old episode of Jerry Springer: “If you get raped at my show, you’re probably better off for it.” Finding the Rhythms

AUDIO: Here are 10 excellent covers by Elliott Smith to get you through what is supposed to be a rainy weekend. My Old Kentucky Blog

Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie

These are the deleted scenes, allegedly, from the the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie that is to be released sometime this year. If you know not of the Aqua Teens, then grab some diapers, because you are about to piss your pants full of laughter.

Part 1

Part 2 (thanks, Alex)

Part 3

Movie review & boss description

Does your work place still buy useless crap like index cards and rulers and pencils? Items no one past the age of 18 uses anymore, thanks to computers and the Internet (assuming, of course, you’re not an engineer)? Well, mum’s the word. These things have a street value. So, shhhhhh.

BLOG: The first and only review you’ll ever need for “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift”. An Eternal Thought in the Mind of Godzilla

BLOG: There’s one product on the market that perfectly describes most ad execs -- and, frankly, most bosses -- everywhere. Copy ranter

McDonald's hell, feline nazis, and translation problems

Yes, s/he’s annoying. Yes, s/he won’t shut up. Yes, s/he takes time away from your busy schedule of surfing the Internet on company time. But s/he also controls your company’s valuable supply of pens and staplers. So, be kind.

BLOG: Have you had your break today? No? Would you like to take one and kill a McDonald’s employee? The Daily Dump

BLOG: Yes, tremble, before the paws of Hitler Cat! Rantings of a Sandmonkey

BLOG: The word “trademark” has a lot of definitions. However, in Dakar, the word is on the “to translate” list. Reynolds’ Rants

Newscaster raps, kids ruin/save your life, and great name for a restaurant

I completely agree with you: Those two people had no business standing there and not talking and just reading the newspaper. And what was that guy thinking, making copies like that down the hall? And who’s been using your stapler, is what I wanna know. And what the fuck kind of coffee is this? It’s bitter, and it's different and I don't like different any more than you. "And now someone is calling me? On the phone?"

Goddamn, fucking Mondays.

VIDEO: Watching self-inflicted public humiliation gives me the same sensation as watching the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. Sure, I can watch it again and again, but I’ve had to grimace and look away during each and every time. The Assimilated Negro

BLOG: Once you impregnate your wife, it’s a nine-month countdown to hell. So, live life while you still got it. Flaming Pablum

BLOG: Too bad this restaurant is hit and miss: I rather like the idea of a place called “Machos Tacos” and their “damn good chicken taco”. Taco Hunt

Backing up, hairstyles, and mountain dew

Nothin’ gonna stop the flow -- not the coffee, and certainly not the bran muffin.

BLOG: It’s not just Juvenile who appreciates how you back that thing up. fresh pepper?

BLOG: No, yours is more Brazilian. This one is more “Last Tango in Paris”. Overheard in New York

BLOG: The International Chinese Conspiracy has taken over our shittiest soft drinks. Boing Boing

Eerie red riding hood, road signs, and rick santorum

Make a point of spilling cups full of things -- coffee, water, milk and the like. People -- and bosses can be people -- tend to ask less of you if they think “destruction” when they think “you.”

VIDEO: Interspersed with this deeply unforgiving rendering of Little Red Riding Hood are commercials for a bloody Japanese snack for kids – that is, until the two become one. You Tube (thanks, it comes in pints?)

BLOG: Fun with road signs. road signs (thanks, Boing Boing)

BLOG: The Senate is the upper house of our bicameral legislature. Why? Because of their keen fashion sense. Senate Majority Project (thanks, Wonkette)

Notepad bug, alcohol & ice cream, and Tab

The day is ending and minutes from now you’ll have to make an important choice. And the factors guiding that choice should be proximity to transportation; proximity to a cash machine; and proximity to the local police department. In all cases but one, that proximity should be close.

BLOG: Bush hid the facts! Actually, Microsoft has a bug. 27B Stroke 6

BLOG: There may be a very good reason for those empty wine bottles on your mantelpiece. Anonymous Midwest Girl

BLOG: Tab! It’s back! It’s hot! It tastes like crap! Dealing in Subterfurges

Japanese video, disgust, manifest menus, and pulp fiction

There’s a lesson to be learned today about worms and birds and what they do in the morning. I don’t remember quite what it is, but I do remember that it made me feel guilty for not doing something. Or it was something I did do, but then something else happened. Either way, it’s a moment I’ll always vaguely remember.

VIDEO: It’s part exercise video and part ESL video. But it’s all comedy. You Tube (thanks, Boing Boing)

BLOG: Young, dumb, and way too much make-up on. A Cynical Single Kuwaiti Woman

BLOG: We apologize for being so obvious and upfront and hope you forgive us for not realizing that you are a goat and will eat anything put in front of you. Waiter Rant

VIDEO: Pulp covers to classic novels. “Little Women” was my favorite: And then I saw “Animal Farm”. Slate (thanks, Boing Boing)

Beer, revenge, and the Mexican flag

You’re looking for an excuse to wash away the mid-week blues with a drink or two or twelve. And this is something you’re always doing, and I’m here today to tell you to cut it out: You need to stop making excuses for yourself and just Do It.

BLOG: At the end of every rainbow is a pot of gold. “Pot of gold” may be a bit of a metaphor, but only a bit. photo (thanks, bludja)

BLOG: Revenge is a dish best served stinky. El Guapo in DC

BLOG: There’s an explanation for everything: If, for instance, a white man is jogging with a Mexican flag in the woods, then there is a perfectly logical reason for it. fresh pepper?

Death, cat fights, and more

Remember three things for when you're at work: 1) vodka is colorless and odorless, 2) that Evian bottle will just wind up in a landfill if you don’t find a way to reuse it, and 3) Mother Earth is dying.

BLOG: Next time, play it safe: pray to Allah in your car. Hilarious. Rantings of a Sandmonkey

VIDEO: Two chicks, one fight. Bushwick truly is beautiful. You Tube (thanks, Bushwick is beautiful)

BLOG: As much as you wish it weren’t true, girls do want one thing from a guy, other than his money. fresh pepper?

BLOG: Some girls are particular about the diet of a man to whom they’re about to give a blowjob. Overheard in New York

BLOG: What is your inner European? Blog Things

VIDEO: Sheriff Taylor and Deputy Fife are here to tell you that Grape Nuts fills you up, not out. You Tube (thanks, the blues and then some)

Larry the cable guy, audio-ready toilets, and fruit salad & sex

It’s almost the end of the work day, and if you timed things just right, you should be returning from lunch just about now.

VIDEO: Before he was Larry the Cable Guy, he was Dan Whitney: average doofus with a microphone. Dead Frog (thanks, Crooks and Liars)

BLOG: The tough part about doing blow in a bathroom stall is the lack of tunes piping through your ears. Fortunately, the Japanese have a solution. An Eternal Thought in the Mind of Godzilla

BLOG: How to make a fruit salad and get laid. dive into mark (thanks, The Blog Herald)

Identity theft, racial confusion, the crazies & city council, and midget kick boxing

It’s Monday and “restraining order” is slowly moving from the “joke” column to the “possibility” column of your life. So, while you have a chance, take a break from all your worries. As the song says, “it sure would help a lot.”

BLOG: Identity theft is a dish best seved hilarious. Anonymous Lawyer

BLOG: Ah, yes, TJMaxx-istan: hotbed of radical shoppers. Overheard in New York

VIDEO: Once the meds wear off, some people are under the assumption they can get a refill at their local city council meeting. File it Under (thanks, it comes in pints?)

VIDEO: I have two words for you, possibly three: midget. kick-boxing. Interested? college humor (thanks, Slack LaLane)

Monty Python, bad sex, dailykos, and a great band name

It’s Friday, the one day of the week you can’t be punished tomorrow for what you do at work today. Use that as a weapon.

VIDEO: In honor of the ubiquitous Pentagon clip of al Zarqawi’s demise from the skies, I present to you this classic bit from the Monty Python anthology “And Now for Something Completely Different” (complete w/ German subtitles for some reason): ‘How Not to Be Seen’. You Tube

BLOG: You get so excited about having the sexy-sexy that you forget that most people are pretty lousy at it. Uffish

BLOG: Lefties who read dailykos take note: "kos" may have an unsavory (though I like to think not) meaning in the Arabic tongue (last item). Rantings of a Sandmonkey

AUDIO: How is it that no one had thought of this band name before? (they’re indie with a dash of Ennio Morricone) KKDD

Bollywood; tossed from da club; and whoops! the curtain's up

What makes an entry a Candy in a Barrel entry? Well, there’re several categories that always get the editors attention. There’s the Funny Things that Foreigners Do category: that’s always a favorite. Then there’s the Dumb Things I Did Drinking Last Night category, which are the bulk of our links. And finally, there’s the Search Term category, where we look for posts containing specific words, and in today’s case those words would be “stripping”, “gyrating” and “sex-starved”.

VIDEO: The Bollywood Beatles would like to be holding your hand, and please come again. You Tube (thanks, Boing Boing)

BLOG: So, you got tossed out of the club. It’s not a problem, it’s happened to the best of us. However, there are a few key rules to remember so that you keep your shirt, teeth and -- well, let’s not worry about the dignity just yet. Clublife

BLOG: Women: Be not ashamed of shaking your can-cans in front of the window. Drunk and Single in NYC

Strange hobbies, a racist cartoon, and gentlemen callers

You’ve worked long and hard enough already today. True, it may be still be the morning where you are and the coffee is still not having its desired effect: But you woke up, didn’t you? And you got to work -- maybe not on time, but certainly earlier than you did yesterday (which itself was a new record). It sounds to me like you’ve earned yourself a little You Time.

HOMEPAGE: You forget sometimes that there’s a place for everyone, no matter how odd or bizarre their hobby. AGS

VIDEO: Just remember, people: It is Bugs Bunny and we were fighting a war at the time. You Tube

BLOG: It’s tough, ladies, to find an honest man in this town. Undiscovered Superstar (thanks, Gawker)

Sly Stone, relationship exit polling, bail bondsmen and a music video

Today, let’s focus on you and why you’re bored. It’s because your work doesn’t mentally stimulate you and so you lash out in ways that your superiors call “lazy” and “unproductive”, when, really, it’s their fault. I mean, if they’re such fucking great bosses, then why are you so bored all of the time?

VIDEO: This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. This is your brain on drugs if you’re Sly Stone on the Dick Cavett show, circa 1972. You Tube

BLOG: When the relationship dissolves, it would be best for the two parties involved to answer truthfully these questions about the possibility of any future break-up booty. The Assimilated Negro

BLOG: You drank more than you should have last night and now you’ve woken up in the pokey. But when you start thumbing through the piss-soaked copy of the yellow pages to find a bail bondsman, you’re left with an age-old question: Do I choose the one with the picture of a smiling horse or the one with the picture of Speedy Gonzales? copyranter

VIDEO: The greatest music video of all time. Google Video

Ball shaving, Shakespeare, beating on the brats, and The Clash

Our first round of fixin's take us, as they do every day, from a conversation about ball shaving, to the influence of Shakespeare, and then of his mates The Clash. Some people might say, “Well, these are nice, but they’re also incredible wastes of time.” And I couldn’t agree more: They are incredible -- not mediocre, but incredible -- wastes of time.

BLOG: One of those awkward “Do I look? Do I not look?” moments. (second item) Overheard in New York

BLOG: Here’s something to smart you up: a list of the 150 phrases that Shakespeare coined that are now part of our everyday vocabulary (well, mostly) Shakespeare (thanks, Slack LaLane)

BLOG: Did someone beat the shit out of you yesterday? Well, it’s probably because it was National Emo Kid Beatdown Day. Logged Hours

VIDEO: You think you’re cool? You think you’re cooler than The Clash? I didn’t think so. You Tube

Bahamanian quiz, drug-related personality quiz, and diet coke & the freshmaker

Today’s links take us from the sunny beaches of the Bahamas to the very inner workings of your mind to two very intelligent guys with too much time on their hands. It sounds cool, but then again so did reforming Led Zeppelin (and we all learned from that experience, didn’t we?).

BLOG: Have you been ending a lot of your sentences with the word, “man”? If so, you may be a native of the Bahamas. Take the test to find out. Bahamamama and the Pool Boy

BLOG: Is your personality more like heroin, or would you say it veers more toward alcohol? Blog Things

VIDEO: The most delightfully stupid video you will see all day long. Maybe all life-long. Ah, the Freshmaker. eepybird (thanks, Unhappy Medium)

Meatwad & Brak, drugged-out kids' shows, and anal rapist jokes

VIDEO: Yes, it’s the umpteenth ‘Pulp Fiction’ parody, only this time it’s with Meatwad and Brak. It’s official: The joke has become funny again. Google Video (thanks, Jarad)

VIDEO: Apparently, it’s OK to make drug-induced kids’ shows again (be sure to change the bong water before you click “Trailer”). Yo Gabba Gabba! (thanks, Boing Boing)

BLOG: People get so fussy and concerned when you make an “anal rapist” joke. The Daily Dump

Vincent Price, Master Shake, and pain in the ass bosses

AUDIO: With some help from a clever editor, Vincent Price discusses how to cook a small boy. Vincent Price

VIDEO: Master Shake can rap, but he doesn’t want to. So watch him while he raps. Google Video (thanks, Jarad)

BLOG: You will be graded, severely, for the trivial issues that pop up at work. A Cynical Single Kuwaiti Woman

The frog metaphor; Ni-chome, USA; and a beer-balancing dog

BLOG: Remember that metaphor every one likes to use about how a frog won’t leap out of a pan of water if the temperature is increased slowly? Well, apparently, it’s a load of crap. Talking Points Memo

BLOG: Ni-chome, Japan, looks like a lot of New York bars around 1 am. An Eternal Thought in the Mind of Godzilla

BLOG: Cute, but let’s see him do it after ten of those. Dooce

Buying a snail; dogs humping; and women, technology, and you

VIDEO: No, YOU get out of town (and here’s how you do it). David’s New Snail (thanks, Don’t Mess with Cupcake)

VIDEO: Warning: This one is not safe for work. It’s kind of gross, but if you’ll wait ten seconds, you’ll get the lowest-common-denominator kind of payoff that will make it absolutely worth your while. Two Dogs (thanks, Unhappy Medium)

BLOG: Toddlers can defeat technology; Women can defeat toddlers; and men will think of their blackberries before their girlfriends.Flaming Pablum: the weblog of Alex in NYC

Trix, a three-armed baby, and bad super hero movie ideas

BLOG: Trix breaks up yet another relationship. Overheard in New York

BLOG: Every seen a three-armed baby before? Yeah, it’s bad if you want to, but you’re bad. So go ahead. Slack LaLane

BLOG: Marvel and DC still have these super heroes to make movies about. Lore Sjöberg

Grammatically correct gang bangs, unusual sex terms, World Cup action

BLOG: If you gang bang an entire band, you want to be grammatically correct about it. defective yeti

BLOG: Sex terms for unusual fetishes. (and also unusual in that it won’t let you cut and paste the terms to a word format to forward to numerous friends you know want to see these at 5:35 pm on a Thursday afternoon). Sexual Records (thanks, happyscrappy)

BLOG: You forget from high upon your American perch that outside this country, the World Cup is huge. Open to Everyone

Evil bosses, the A train, and Wrigley Field

BLOG: When you were five, you were just positive that the reason you got money for lost teeth was of something called a Tooth Fairy. And when you left college, you were just positive that you would have a fun time at work with your cool, new boss. A Cynical Single Kuwaiti Woman

BLOG: Things that take longer than waiting for an A train from JFK. Copyranter

BLOG: A Cubs game at Wrigley Field is great. Except for the beer, that is. Fresh Pepper?