Subway announcement

“Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to remind you not to leave any unattended bags on the subway.

Furthermore, please be advised that just because someone makes eye contact with you on the subway, doesn’t mean he or she is “in” to you (and please note, since you can’t see me, that I just made the air-quotes sign). People like to stare at other people for a variety of reasons and rarely is it due to sexual attraction.

So, please, keep your dignity --- not to mention your spotless criminal record --- and always remember to help keep New York safe.”

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